NOTICE: The following cases represent the Bureau's most distinguished examples of timeline optimism. Each entry has been reviewed, stamped, and filed in triplicate. The Bureau presents them here not with malice, but with the weary resignation of an institution that has been processing the same paperwork since 2015.
#1
Tesla
Tesla Full Self-Driving
LEGENDARY
Tesla
Delay multiplier
∞
Promised
Complete by end of 2015
Reality
Still not fully autonomous as of 2026
11+ years and counting
Oct 2015
"We're going to have full autonomy capability by the end of next year."
Bureau Note: The Bureau has dedicated an entire filing cabinet to this case. The cabinet is full.
#2
Tesla
Tesla Roadster (2nd Gen)
HALL OF SHAME
Tesla
Delay multiplier
20×+
Promised
Deliveries in 2020
Reality
Not delivered as of 2026
6+ years
Nov 2017
"The new Roadster will be the fastest production car ever made, period. Deliveries in 2020."
Bureau Note: The Bureau initially assigned a dedicated analyst to this case. The analyst has since retired.
#3
Tesla
1 Million Tesla Robotaxis
CATASTROPHIC
Tesla
Delay multiplier
20×+
Promised
1 million robotaxis on the road by end of 2020
Reality
Robotaxi program launched in Austin, 2025 — fleet size: ~50
5 years, 19,999,950 cars short
Apr 2019
"There will be a million robotaxis on the road by the end of next year."
Bureau Note: The Bureau notes that 50 ÷ 1,000,000 = 0.005%. We are rounding this to zero.
#4
The Boring Company
Hyperloop
SEVERE
The Boring Company
Delay multiplier
15×+
Promised
Operational by 2021
Reality
The Boring Company tunnels exist; no public hyperloop
5+ years
Jun 2016
"I think we could have the LA to San Francisco Hyperloop done in two years."
Bureau Note: The Bureau has reclassified this from 'Delayed' to 'Concept Art.'
#5
SpaceX
Starship Orbital Flight
MODERATE
SpaceX
Delay multiplier
3×
Promised
Orbital test flight by end of 2021
Reality
First orbital attempt April 2023 (exploded); successful orbit Nov 2023
~2 years
Dec 2020
"We'll do an orbital flight hopefully in the first half of next year."
Bureau Note: Relative to the Bureau's other cases, this is considered a near-success. Standards have declined.
#6
Tesla
Tesla Semi
SIGNIFICANT
Tesla
Delay multiplier
5×
Promised
Production in 2019
Reality
Limited production began Dec 2022; mass production still pending
3+ years
Nov 2017
"We're going to start production of the Semi next year."
Bureau Note: PepsiCo received the first 100 trucks. The Bureau received nothing.
#7
Neuralink
Neuralink Human Trials
SIGNIFICANT
Neuralink
Delay multiplier
4×
Promised
Human trials by end of 2020
Reality
First human implant January 2024
~3 years
Jul 2019
"We hope to have this in a human patient before the end of next year."
Bureau Note: The Bureau acknowledges this eventually happened. We are deeply suspicious.
#8
Tesla
Tesla Cybertruck
MODERATE
Tesla
Delay multiplier
3×
Promised
Production in late 2021
Reality
First deliveries November 2023
~2 years
Nov 2019
"We'll start production in late 2021."
Bureau Note: The truck arrived. It had some issues. The Bureau is not surprised.
#9
SpaceX
Mars Mission
PENDING
SpaceX
Delay multiplier
TBD
Promised
Humans on Mars by 2024
Reality
No humans on Mars as of 2026
2+ years (and counting)
Jun 2016
"I'm confident that we can complete a crewed mission to Mars in about 10 years."
Bureau Note: The Bureau has opened a dedicated Mars sub-division. It is also behind schedule.
#10
X (Twitter)
Twitter/X Paid Verification Cleanup
SIGNIFICANT
X (Twitter)
Delay multiplier
10×+
Promised
Bot problem solved within weeks of acquisition
Reality
Bots remain a significant issue as of 2026
3+ years
Oct 2022
"We're going to get rid of all the bots. It'll take a few weeks."
Bureau Note: The Bureau's own X account was briefly suspended by a bot. We consider this ironic.
The Bureau acknowledges that some of these projects may eventually be completed. We will update our records accordingly, at some point, probably next month. ← Return to the Translator